Ahdaf (Beau) Palmieri’s favourite website

Hello, everyone I’m Glad you’re all on holidays, Considering your first and only emails are awful. To just email; I know you’re busy getting your essays ready; But, please, make it polite and easy…

Ahdaf (Beau) Palmieri's favourite website

Hello, everyone

I’m Glad you’re all on holidays,

Considering your first and only emails are awful.

To just email;

I know you’re busy getting your essays ready;

But, please, make it polite and easy on your recipients.

Please email;

Now you know just how worse it can be

When it’s the 20th email you get every day.

Forget face-to-face conversation;

Let it be our emails:

Last resort when everything else fails;

Forget face-to-face conversation;

We are all on holiday.

And we all know best, once and for all,

How great it is to email.

It’s easy and simple and eminently punctilious.

It was our first email, and it was ours to begin with.

E-mail can be as passive aggressive as verbal ones,

But it’s brief and unadorned:

If you have any queries, ask for that round-the-curtain

Scheduling link.

Dampened dignity has no place in this world;

If you’re not here, then we’re likely to get the wrong

News.

To you I send a bowing, excited

Bracelet, proving that you have paid

The same price as everyone else for this holiday

Sun.

Dear Ahdaf, please pick up that proposal.

And to all the other subscribers I should

Yogurt out my idea in an urgent fashion

Which I am quite sure will not prove as original

As any original idea of yours.

If I don’t have answers, I’ll just catch up

With my A-grade exams.

Don’t worry: after a year of study,

And all the frank advice you give,

You’ll find that we’re still the most intelligent.

We still have something to say to everyone

Who’s sent us more than one stupid

Email.

So we do just email and arrive,

Ahdaf.

Can we have a tissue please?

It really would help if people learned to email,

As it’s the perfect medium,

For crisply enunciated, succinct

Advice.

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