My brother wants me out of his life, but we talk on the phone daily and we have many friends in common. He seems to want me out of his life because he has been focusing on his new job and, sometimes, his music and career. Recently I’ve not been speaking to him as much and I know this annoys him. And to me, that seems selfish.
Should I start to avoid talking to him or try talking to him in other ways? And, is it possible to stop talking to him now even though we talk so often? I’m not ready to talk to him or let him do without me.
Unsettled since: 2006
Concerned since: 2018
Based on your letter, this could be a complicated situation. According to your letter, you are focused on your own life, and yet now you are having to let go of something that’s made you feel close to your brother.
Your brother may be stuck in a rut and not realizing that his true life is more important to you than making music. And although he may only have limited understanding of how life is, given how much he concentrates on his music and his career, you should be getting to see him more often now and making plans for fun and time together, without singing together, unless he changes his tune about moving on with his life.
Would you be okay with this? I hope so. You may feel isolated but living in New York City will allow you to come into touch with others. And your siblings will not be the only people you’ll meet. It’s a small world here.
This situation is not good for you either. Is this really what you want? I hope so.
You don’t need him to stay a friend or in the life. You can find out more about him here. If his focus is on his career, there is no harm in contacting him and asking how he’s doing. And if you do change his mind, give him the time and space he needs to adjust to your change in his life.